I Am Defeated

I had such high hopes for things I wanted to accomplish this week.

With the kids back in school, I would have my days free to work on the short (and not-so-short) list of things needing to be done around the house.

I would have been content accomplishing (to the finish) just one.

Now would be a good time for me to fess up to some things:

I am a perfectionist.

I suffer, in cycles, from moderate to severe depression.

I am prone to anxiety attacks.

All in all, things have been going along well. I've not had any days of not being able to get out of bed in awhile. My last anxiety attack was just after the 4th of July. Almost two months.

And trust me - the perfectionism must come in waves because with getting ready for the kids to start school, the house in is dissarray.

So, Monday came. I missed the kids being home, running around, and being needed 24/7. I kept busy, but wasn't focused.

Nothing on the list was accomplished.

Tuesday, I had an appointment with my therapist - who has me looking for the positive in situations. Tuesday was also hubby's days off - so he and I went for a 4 mile nature walk. Here's the positive - I spent some wonderful quiet time with hubby.

Another positive from Tuesday - I'm positive nothing on the list was accomplished.

Today - I had nothing scheduled. I was taking today to accomplish something on the list.

Nope - volunteer responsibilities for the kids' school crept into the day. As fundraising coordinator for the school, an upcoming event needed attention. I did accomplish those items; however, my short-list sits next to me - with nothing crossed-off or finished.

With activities and running each night of the week, I would like my days to be more controlled, organized.

So, I am beginning to feel defeated. On a course set by someone other than me - and not in a good way.

I don't like feeling defeated, and down - and I really have to try to snap out of it or I will be on a course for a rough spell with many down days.

Look for the positive.

I walked 4 miles this week. (Good for the heart and body)

I spent quality time with my hubby. (Good for the heart and marriage)

I got to write this out - which has helped a little, because in starting this I couldn't think of anything positive in the week.

Hopefully, to anyone reading this, it didn't bring you down too.

Til next time, I'll still be...

Being Brenda