Playing Favorites

I am in a very awkward situation.

When hubby and I got married, nearly 13 years ago, I knew I was not favored by my future in-laws.

I came from a single parent household, was a well-educated, and a self-sufficient young woman.

I had a career.

My husband openly admitted to me he was the first-born (of 5 kids) in his family, but so not the favorite.

My in-laws did not welcome me openly into their family.

Matter of fact, the picture of hubby and I on our wedding day with his family places he and I in the back row. You cannot even see my whole face!

Basically you see my eyes and veil.

Yes, this picture still hangs in their living room.

It has, to say the least, made for some awkward family gatherings.

Fast forward to the present day.

Miss M is the oldest of my in-laws grandchildren, and is the only grand-daughter.

Drewby is the third born grandchild.

There are currently 6 grandchildren, with two more on the way.

Here is my predicament.

Drewby plays flag football every Saturday morning at 9:30am.

Emily cheers every Sunday at 2pm. Field hockey games are only played at two tournaments all fall, one was last weekend, one is the end of October.

Now, hubby's next youngest brother, has 3 boys. Two, M and J play soccer. Every Saturday and Sunday.

My in-laws also watch these boys and their younger brother, three days a week - and always have.

So here was my conversation with Drewby today.

D: "Mommy, are grandma and grandpa coming to my game today?"

Me: "Oh, I don't know sweety"

Hubby: "I don't know. I haven't heard from or talked to my parents all week."

(Let me digress here for a moment. I think this says TONS about hubby's relationship with his parents. I cannot imagine going a whole week without talking to my mom at least once. My dad is a different story altogether, for another time.)

D: "But why don't they come see my games. They go to M and J's games every weekend."

Here is where I, as well as hubby, were stumped.

We didn't realize Drewby, in his nearly 7 years of life, would be so aware of this fact.

My in-laws play favorites.

And my kids aren't it.

Miss M has made the same observation.

To date, my in-laws have come to one of Miss M's games to see her cheer (arrived late and left right after half-time), one of Drewby's football games, and one of her field hockey games.

Some weekends, they go to up to two or three soccer games for the nephews.

I am trying to be a bigger person and find a way to explain the in-laws behavior to my kids.

However, I am really getting tired of not only having the in-laws treat me poorly, but now my kids.

Hubby claims that his parents are not "football" people.

Really?

It's their grandkids. I don't think it should matter what they are playing.

So I figure I have a few options here:

1) Continue status quo and just tell my kids that grandma and grandpa had other plans and couldn't make it even though they do ( cough, cough) try.

2) Tell the kids as it is. Grandma and grandpa prefer to go see M and J because they (like them better) play soccer, and that it a sport they like to watch.

3) Have Miss M and Drewby ask grandma and grandpa this question themselves. And see what is said.

or 4) Call my in-laws and give them a piece of my mind!

Numbers 2 and 4 would probably start an argument with hubby, so not the way I want to go.

Number 1 is what I have been doing and am really tired of it.

So, I am left thinking Number 3 it is.

Actually, I would like to just make a point of NOT involving my in-laws is any way in our lives, but I don't think that is an option.

Hubby stays pretty low key over this, as he is used to having favorites played.

He firmly believes in just accepting his parents, and the way they treat our kids, and having our kids do the same.

What do you think?

Til next time, I'll still be...

Being Brenda