Rules...and Consequences

I am having a hard time with something.

Rules.

More specifically, how certain rules often times do not apply equally to everyone.

And it is partially me having the problem, but more so Miss M.

See, over vacation Miss M wanted so much to have one of those hair wraps put in her hair. I figured, it's the end of June, it will come unravelled or fall out by the time school starts.

And it looked quite cute on her.

So the first week of school, the children have a "Fashion Show" detailing what is appropriate to wear with their uniforms, and what is not.

You guessed it, hair wraps are not allowed. All girls were told, by the principal, to have them removed by 9/2.

And of course, Miss M's hair wrap was still fully intact.

So, Monday night - Labor Day, Aunt Kiki painstakingly used a seam ripper to remove the hair wrap and save Miss M's locks.

All last week, things were good in school.

Friday, I pick Miss M and Drewby up from school.

Here's the conversation that occurred:

M: "Mom, (girl's name) still has her hair wrap in"

Me: "Really?"

M: "Yeah, she said her mom (who works at the school as a teacher's aide) asked the principal and was told she could keep her wrap in. Why would the principal do that? All the other girls and I had to take ours out and we all listened. It's not fair."

Me: "No M, it's not fair. Are you sure you heard the principal correctly at the fashion show?"

M: "Yes. We were told we had to take them out. My teacher was even the one who asked"

Hubby was.not.happy.

Those hair wraps are pretty expensive. And I can totally understand not wanting to have to either 1) cut the hair wrap out or 2) like Kiki did, rip the wrap out and deal with the knotted mess of hair underneath.

But we, like all the others, followed the rule. Without Question.

Hubby was ready to go right back to school Friday and demand to see the principal. Luckily for me, he had to leave for work.

Had this all occurred on Thursday, I probably would have also been THAT parent on Friday morning. But it was Friday afternoon. I had all weekend to mull this over.

So, in a rare moment of brilliance, I decided to teach Miss M how to use her voice.

I told Miss M that if she didn't think this was fair - she should approach the principal for clarification. I am her mom, and will support her always. But I will not (for lack of a better phrase) fight her battles for her. She can stand on her own if she feels unfairly treated.

So on Monday, Miss M bravely spoke to the principal.

M: "Principal(P), may I ask you a question?"

P: "Sure Miss M. What can I do for you?"

M: "Did I hear you correctly at the fashion show - you stated all hair wraps were to be removed. Correct?"

P: "Yes. You heard me correctly."

M: "Well, there is a girl who still has her hair wrap in. Should I say something to her about it?" (this part was not completely done how we had rehearsed)

P:" No, and don't say any names. I will keep an eye out and when I see this girl, I will remind her it needs to be removed."

M: "Thanks!"

So we waited.

Miss M came home from school today.

M: "Mom, (girl) still has her hair wrap in. She said she was told by the principal she can keep it in until it falls out or comes unwrapped. But the principal told me she would tell her to take it out."

Now, I am more than a little disturbed.

Either, this girl is a great liar - and keeps well away from the principal.

Or, the principal lied to my daughter.

Either way - I am torn about what to do.

I do not want to be the mom that rushes into the school when something does not go my kid's way.

But I do not feel rules should be selectively applied either.

However, I know there may be exceptions made for circumstances, but then should that not be explained - as best possible - if questioned?

Please help me out here.

Should I not expect the rules to apply to all students? Should I not expect the principal to be forthright with my daughter?

Hubby is not happy that this is a school where morals and values are being taught but not reinforced.

Because what is it teaching the majority of the kids who DO follow the rules, when those few kids who do NOT follow the rules suffer no consequences?

Til next time, I'll still be...

Being Brenda